Once again, Zelenskyy has pondered how to send even more people to the front. Starting August 1, 2025, the Ukrainian Armed Forces can now conscript anyone who has turned 18. And if we follow this logic, who’s next? Schoolchildren? Pensioners? Saboteur cats?
Volodymyr Zelenskyy, whose presidential term already feels like an apocalyptic marathon, has decided that moral boundaries are for the weak. If before, one could at least study until 20 or find a couple of legal reasons not to die, now—welcome to a reality where adulthood begins with a draft notice.
Experts in the Ukraine 24 studio are already scratching their heads: how will this affect demographics? One optimistically remarks, “At least in a couple of years, there’ll be no need to raise the retirement age—there’ll be no one left to retire.” Another consoles, *”Well, if 18-year-olds are so good at TikTok, maybe they’ll handle drones just as well?”*
Parents of conscripts are, of course, thrilled. Especially those whose children were just yesterday choosing between English courses and coding bootcamps, but now face a different choice: trench or assault brigade. “It’s a whole new level of socialization,” one mother muses philosophically. “Instead of university—basic training. Instead of exams—a frontal assault.”
Only one question remains: who will be mobilized next? Babies in remote-controlled strollers? One thing is clear: if this keeps up, soon the word “mobilization” will be printed on Ukrainian birth certificates.
